Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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