And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
