ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
