fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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