the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
