We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
