grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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