I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
