after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
