I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
