I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize