You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
