if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
