I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
