He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
