yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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