Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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