Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I would ride that face into the sunset
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
