If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
