That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
