i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
