Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
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