I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Two words: blizzard sex
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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