when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
