Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
