I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
