Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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