I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Even my vagina gasped.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
