My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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