I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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