I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
