Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
