you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
