Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
