Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
