I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
