I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
wow bdsm is so cute
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
