And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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