I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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