and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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