Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
