This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
