im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
