I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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