So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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