I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
