I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
honey bunches of taint.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
