I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
