I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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