I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
