i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This is my gift to your gina
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
