so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
