I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
