I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
