Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
