Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
