he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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