Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
