Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
