I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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