I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he thought i was a dude.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
