No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
