I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
