You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
