Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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