Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
