I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
