Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
