So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
