dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize