GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
