also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
