Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
