Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
