You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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