My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
True strength comes from lack of pants
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
