It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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