Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
