It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
