you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
