Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
